Scientists Discover Time Capsule…from the Future!

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More news from the fine folk at County Durham College of Agriculture, Animal Husbandry and Fine Art. Scientists working in the Temporally Non-Localized Quantum Effects (TempNoLoQo) Research Group have found a time capsule from the future!

TempNoLoQo has spent the past five years investigating how the observation of photons in the present can affect other photons in the past or future. (The ability of quantum entanglement to operate across time has been documented in several experiments.) As the lead researcher, Dr. Herbert Hillyer, put it, “Imagine you are playing billiards and you move the your cue to shoot a ball. Now imagine that the ball moved yesterday. Or that it moves tomorrow. At TempNoLoQo, we observe the billiards table. We watch the balls moving here and there and we reconstruct the shots a future player must be taking to cause it all.”

Initially, the researchers were happy just to see the phenomena at work. Their delight was magnified a hundred-fold, however, when they discovered complex patterns in their data. Further analysis revealed that numerous written documents, pictures, sounds and even videos were encoded in the patterns.

In an exclusive interview, Dr. Hillyer told me that the documents appear to be a kind of time capsule, sent from the year 2168 back to now. “It seems that future researchers will be aware of our work and will manipulate future photons to send messages back to us. We are working with colleagues in the Artificial Linguistics Lab and the School of Akolouthology to decode and translate these messages,” Dr. Hillyer said. “We will be releasing documents to the public as they become available but, for now, all I can say is that most of the messages seem to be from school children, much like the time capsules that so many schools and towns created in the late 20th century.”

There is some fear amongst the TempNoLoQo researchers that the content of the time capsule will be as banal, useless and, well, childish as most current timecapsules. The akoulothologists, however, tell me they have high hopes for what the documents might reveal about mid-22nd century life and culture.

In any case, you heard it here first, folks. So check back often, ‘cos when the stories from the future come out, you’ll hear it here first again.